There was a boy I left behind. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he remained in the shadows, waiting for me to return. He was 14 years old, angry, lost, and drowning in pain he didn’t know how to carry. I had moved on, or at least I thought I had. I grew up. I pushed forward. I became a man.
But then, God sat me down and told me to write.
At first, I thought it was just a book. But I was wrong. What I was really doing was reconnecting with him, my 14-year-old self, the boy I abandoned. He’d been screaming for years, but I was too focused on the future, running from the past, and avoiding the present.
And now, he was waiting for me to listen.
Writing My Book: A Conversation with My Younger Self
The words came slowly, like I was digging through layers of concrete to reach him. But the more I wrote, the more he spoke. The more he spoke, the more I realized how much pain I had left unhealed.
He was still there, holding onto the darkness I thought I had outgrown, the suicidal thoughts, all the self inflicted cuts, the belief that I didn’t deserve love or light. I had suppressed all of it, convinced that if I ignored the pain long enough, it would disappear.
But it doesn’t disappear.
Pain that’s left unhealed doesn’t die, it waits. It lingers in the choices we make, the people we attract, and the self-sabotage we don’t even recognize. It wasn’t until I wrote my book that I realized I had never truly healed; I had just learned to survive.
And survival isn’t the same as living.
Discovering Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now
Somewhere along this journey, I stumbled upon The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. His words hit me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. He spoke of presence, living fully in the moment, detached from the weight of the past and the fear of the future.
I realized how much of my life I had spent running. Most of us do this without realizing it. We cling to our past, replaying old wounds and traumas, convinced that our identity is rooted in our pain. Or we obsess over the future, believing that happiness is always just out of reach.
But the truth? Neither the past nor the future exist.
The only thing that’s real is now.
Meeting My Future Self
After I finished writing my book, something unexpected happened. I met him. Not the boy I was, but the man I was becoming. He was strong. He was wise. He was everything I had spent my life chasing. And he looked at me, smiled, and said:
“I’ve been waiting for you. You’ve got work to do.” For the first time, I understood. I had spent years looking for my purpose, chasing my moment. But purpose isn’t something you chase, it’s something you step into. And the only way to step into it is by fully embracing the present. That’s when I knew: the past had served its purpose, the future would take care of itself, and all that mattered was what I chose to do right now.
Breaking the Cycles: Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be
So many of us are trapped in cycles, cycles of trauma, self-doubt, and fear. We live in loops, repeating the same mistakes, feeling the same pain, wondering why nothing changes. But the truth is, we can break free. God didn’t create us to be prisoners of our past or slaves to our fears. He created us to walk in purpose, to stand in light, and to move forward in faith.
Here’s how you break the cycle:
1. Face Your Younger Self - Stop running. The pain you buried, the wounds you ignored, they’re still there. You have to sit with them, listen, and heal.
2. Let Go of the Past – Your past shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Release the weight that wasn’t meant for you to carry.
3. Stop Chasing the Future – Happiness isn’t waiting for you “one day.” It’s available right now. The moment you stop seeking, you’ll realize you already have everything you need.
4. Live in the Present – Pay attention. Breathe. Feel. Appreciate. The more present you become, the more you’ll realize that God is always speaking—He just needs you to listen.
5. Step into Your Purpose – God has been waiting for you. Everything you’ve been through has prepared you for this moment. The only question is: will you answer the call?
Final Thoughts: You Can’t Quit
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: you can’t quit. Not on yourself. Not on your healing. Not on the purpose God has placed inside of you.
I met my past self. I met my future self. And now, I’m choosing to live in the present. Because now is the only place where change happens, where healing begins, and where purpose is realized.
So stop running. Stop waiting. Be here. Be present. Be who God called you to be.
The rest will follow.
YCQ!
Darius Recard Jr
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